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Writer's picturePeter Larsen

Redemption

Based on true events (names and places have been changed to protect the innocent)


The Scene: Danish grocery chain in the heart of Copenhagen around 6:00 pm.


An exhausted dad with two small kids in tow is standing in the mile long line to the register. Despite the pouring rain and gusty winds, which have been pounding him for nearly an hour and a half and not agreeing with his sore throat and wheezing lungs, surprisingly, he's in good spirits...


Standing in line the man thinks to himself, all is good... he only has dinner, dishes, homework, baths, bedtime story and tooth brushing ahead...


The air is thick with frustration among the more impatient subjects in the line; anxious to make it home in time for Big Brother on CBS at 7:00 pm.


Then the unavoidable happens... a middle aged, heavyset woman resembling an Eastern European female (?) wrestler yells "ANY CHANCE OF OPENING ANOTHER REGISTER?!!!!"


The dad thinks what a daunting task that will be for the poor dude at the register, considering the fact that he's already busy trying to keep his own line moving.


Nevertheless, a secret code that the dad was unaware existed - two ear piercing rings of a loud bell - signals that the woman's roar has been heard, and another employee is on his/her way.


And that's when it happens... the dad senses a weird buzz in the line. An excitement similar to that of a Formel 1 start is in the air. As the other employee approaches and says "I'm ope...", the dad sees 16 people blow past him from behind to the newly opened register.


After a tough battle between the before-mentioned woman (who in the dad's opinion looks like her name might be Karen and she probably hasn’t smiled since 1983) and a tiny man in blue overalls, the woman manages to make it to the register by a hair - but not without clearing a whole shelf full of Red Bulls in the process.


Last in the original line is our soaking wet main character. He thinks to himself 'Big Brother must really be an AMAZING show...'


His young daughter exclaims: "How come everyone's cutting in front of us, daddy?" Right when he's about to answer, a turn of events occur...


The woman who has unloaded 71 packs of chocolate, groceries and toilet paper to last a good 12 years onto the counter with a smirk is getting ready to be checked out.


A yellow name tag on the pretty, young employee's chest reveals that she is a 'New Employee'. Politely, she tells the woman: "I have to let you know that the credit card reader on this register is out of order..."


BULLS EYE BABY!!!!


The woman goes berserk! She rips her groceries off the counter - and it's revealed that she's hidden a stack of female hygiene products and purple hair gel under the chocolate - spewing cuss words that make Amu Schumer look like a nun in comparison, she is forced to take her unshaven upper lip back to the first line - BEHIND the dad and his two kids.


The dad manages to catch the "New Employee's" eye, smiles and says "You just made my day... Welcome to "insert name of grocery store"!"




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